Working with Ancestors: Reciprocation
What does it truly mean to watch over one another? For me, it’s a lesson deeply rooted in family and home, a legacy passed down from my late father.
My dad grew up as an immigrant from the small town of Castelvetrano in Sicily, a place renowned for its delectable olives but also plagued by extreme poverty. In the 1960s, my dad and much of his family made the arduous journey across the ocean to start anew in America. My grandparents toiled tirelessly to build a life for their two children. As a result, my dad developed a deep passion for giving back to others, which he channeled into his unwavering commitment to working closely with the unhoused community in Elmont, Long Island, New York.
As a kid, my dad told me, “No matter how much we have, we can always share.” And he held to this ideal in practice. Every holiday season, we were passing out food at the local shelters.
I remember a field trip held in 2nd grade Catholic School where we visited the Bronx Zoo. My dad was a chaperone. As the other parents gossiped and looked down on the unhoused people waiting at the zoo entrance, I remember my dad brought a lot of sandwiches. When we got off the bus, he gave food to anyone who wanted it, and his kindness stayed with me into adulthood.
My dad felt he was returning the kindness that God had shown him, in his Catholic faith. I want to highlight that my dad was the kind of Catholic who believed in a gentler version of God than the Bible teaches. I think he was Catholic in name only because he eagerly accepted what I taught him about Indigenous and Pagan beliefs when I was a little kid.
I think my dad went overboard sometimes with how much he shared however the lessons about having a reciprocal relationship with others have stayed with me to this day. Those lessons have translated into my spiritual life as much as they have in my mundane life. Reciprocation is essential for maintaining healthy relationships, including with ancestors.
In my experience, working with deities, ancestors, and the Fae works very similarly to working with the living. I have observed that communication is a vital component.
For example:
A person wants to work with their great-grandmother. They light a candle, speak her name, and ask their ancestor to help them raise their children.
Maybe this ancestor immediately responds by guiding this person to parenting classes or other resources that would build a better understanding of raising children.
The person who called upon their ancestor does not show gratitude, offerings, or any other acknowledgment and only calls upon their ancestors when things get hard.
My advice here is look at the situation. Here we have someone who is calling upon an ancestor, asking for help, and then not reciprocating to that ancestor. Everyone’s ancestors are different - however, mine tend to help more when I reciprocate to them. My ancestors may be forgiving, however, they still require my respect when I am working with them and want a better outcome.
What does reciprocating to the ancestors look like?
There are some very simple ways to reciprocate to your ancestors. You can customize these examples:
Build an ancestor altar - Creating a sacred space for your ancestors is the foundation of showing them reciprocation and respect. This area should include pictures or objects that are related to your ancestry. This is not a place to put your keys, trash, or kids toys (unless those toys are related to the ancestors you are trying to forge a relationship with.)
Feed them! Food is the universal language of respect. The meal doesn’t have to be complex (although, if I cooked my dad’s pasta sauce recipe, I’m sure it would go over well) Food offerings can take the form of favorite candies, alcohol, tobacco, or even a simple glass of fresh water changed daily. Do not allow food to become moldy.
Talk to them! The ancestors thrive on communication, in my experience. Without asking them for anything, you could tell them about your day at work or school. You might notice that without asking - your ancestors may guide you to resources to face your biggest challenges.
Act on their behalf! One of the ways I honor my father as an ancestor is by donating to or working with the unhoused. I try to act in a way that is both healthy for me and also honors his memory of giving to those who have less. If you know about your ancestors, find something that you and your ancestors mutually enjoy and contribute! If you don’t know anything about them, then let your intuition guide you. You can’t go wrong helping animals at a shelter, for example.
Celebrate those holidays! Maybe you now identify as a Pagan and only celebrate The Wheel of the Year. Well, don’t forget you also have Christian or Catholic ancestors too! You don’t have to set up a Nativity, however, you could share Yule with your ancestors! Teach them about what you believe now. You’d be surprised that speaking aloud of your Pagan life will help you also deepen your connection with your spirituality.
What is the result of reciprocating to the ancestors?
Respecting and understanding your ancestors has many advantages. When doing shadow work, I find deeper insights by connecting with my ancestors. They often make their presence known on my altars or in my dreams, through subtle signs like bubbles in my ritual chalice.
My recent encounter was with an ancestor I’ve never met in the form of an intense dream. She was on my dad’s side of the family and was telling me that I’ve done a good job accepting, mourning, and growing from the death of my father. It was a validating experience that made me feel great when I rose from my bed in the morning.
Working with your ancestors will give you new perspectives on yourself. It can help you become more compassionate to yourself and others. Knowing your roots and where you come from builds a strong foundation to other parts of understanding Paganism and witchcraft.
What are your ideas on showing reciprocation to your ancestors? Do you have an idea that isn’t here?
I’d love to read about your experiences!
