Pilot Episode

Here’s a little prologue: I am from the Great Pacific Northwest, Washington State to be exact. You know, we have iced coffee, Mount Saint Helens, and the sparkly vampires. I lived at home until I was 17. I was diagnosed with anxiety in 2010 and with BPD, C-PTSD three years later. I got married and experienced quite a bit of life. I ran a Waterfowl Sanctuary starting in 2014 and ended in 2020(Animals were rehomed to other sanctuaries). I left a situation in Oregon in 2020 to travel around the continental United States with a best friend who ended up being my partner for a time. This was one of the biggest steps I have taken in my life. Perhaps it was more of diving off a diving board into the deep end of the water.. or even jumping down a waterfall but that’s a story for later.

(Left to right) My father and I when I was small. My youngest sibling, myself, and my goose named Jude. Myself and Cupid the Radio gamefowl rooster. A more recent photo from 2023 I believe of me on a swing.

I suppose I would start at when I had found Deeply Rooted Church. It was funny, my partner at the time and I just started trucking for a Semi company, previously they had been driving for a company where they would drive a dually truck and bring campers and RV’s from the company that made them in Indiana to all the stores around the United States. When our dually truck started leaking oil and having significant problems after being in Florida, we knew that we needed to adapt and so they ended up getting the semi job. For a while we were working for Walmart, I say we, though I did none of the driving but I did do the domestic chores, like shopping, laundry, and making the coffee in the morning. Being from the Pacific Northwest and growing up surrounded by nature it really wasn’t sustainable for either of us to consistently do this and the company didn’t like our set schedule because it affected the schedule they wanted us to be on which was like a 24/7 availability.

(Left to right.)Photos of Southern Oregon where I lived and a few birds in my care. Cupid an ex-fighting rooster from a cockfighting bust in Washington State, Marcello, an ex-fighting rooster from a bust in Oklahoma, Pudge, a bantam cornish rooster who had cancer at a Gay Pride event in Olympia, WA. A early sunrise on the property I had in Chiloquin, OR.

They ended up coming across Deeply Rooted Church on Tiktok and sounded very excited about it. Then they messaged the church and asked if we could come there and stay for a while. I had been in a handful of situations like this and honestly wasn’t very optimistic, things that are too good to be true often are. There had to be a catch.

(Right to left.) A campground in Northern California. A photo of me in Florida. The archway in Missouri. A photo of our dodge dually hauling a trailer probably near Nevada or Utah.

They showed me a couple videos of Quill walking around the woods talking about how great Deeply Rooted was and they talked about their life, which intrigued me quite a bit. They seemed very cool and they read tarot and I thought, maybe if all goes well they might be my friend. Hope is a funny thing to have and with my expectations low of the outcome of all this I was surprised when my partner at the time said they messaged back and they were interested in having us.

(Left to right.) The path behind Deeply Rooted Church leading toward the ritual spaces. A cold late Autumn night with the view of the wellhouse and old cabin on Deeply Rooted. Myself looking through books in Frog Hall. The pond behind Deeply Rooted in the spring time with a bullfrog enjoying life.

We made the journey toward Wisconsin in our Dodge Ram that was leaking oil from the engine and it ended up dying on us, we stayed at a hotel near an auto parts shop and did some research finding a belt had given in the truck. A tool rental, a few YouTube videos later and we were on our way again. I believe I remember it being about mid-July of 2021 that we arrived there. It was beautiful, like a dream. It was warm and it was wooded, hummingbirds would come up toward the porch, books lined the walls, the community was so welcoming. These were all things I hadn’t ever experienced before, I was nervous and weary of all the new people. I stayed very quiet and observed for a while, I kept mostly to myself and my partner trying to feel things out. They were tired and encouraged me to find work, it made sense to me to accamodate since they had been paying my way for the past year and I found Stoney Acres Farm.

Stoney Acres Farm was a pivotal place for me. My working interview was interesting, I had gotten to the property and was unsure if I was at the right place and Tony came riding up on a tractor and parked in front of a trailer. The first step in this situation was to hook him up and helping with getting many trailers hooked and secured to the dually truck and helping hook up semi trucks to trailers really helped with this experienced. I took an educated guess and figured it out, I helped harvest and was hired within an hour or two and paid for my help. I worked there 5 days a week and it was a nice but exhausting experience. The job gave me structure and at the time gave my body a much needed work out. It was nice to come home and to feel tired.

One day after work I decided to stay and socialize, several people sat in a circle and were talking, then one person brought up a kid who worked there. This kid identified as a boy but were not born that way, the person talking about them said that they were born female so they would use the terms they were born with. At this moment is when I decided to speak up that children have the right to explore their identity and invalidating them as a trusted adult friend often results in a lot of pain, distrust, and for many kids no contact as an adult. From that point on I started talking more because I was acknowledged and validated in my point and gave them something to think about, they made an effort forward to use the name they chose for themselves and the correct pronouns.

Finding community in Deeply Rooted and being at Stoney Acres Farm, finding places I was safe to speak up and that I was taken seriously about what I say. People actually listening to me. This was all so new. I hadn’t had this before and this sparked a new fire within me. I wanted to get to know people. I didn’t know what was in store for me and was excited about all of the new potentials.

(Left to right.) A rainbow over the main house of Stoney Acres Farm. Myself and a barn kitten on the property before they were rehomed. A pizza in a woodfired brick oven. The final photo is of a sunset over the main greenhouse that normally has started plants and basil inside of it.

The thing about me and growing however is that I tend to learn the best by doing which often means the hard way. Given my childhood circumstances I had a lot of unhealthy behaviors to unlearn. Along with this came my Borderline Personality Disorder which the symptoms of that inevitably put strain on any relationship. The partner I had at the time made choices I was uncomfortable with because they didn’t really communicate with me and it caused me to split, resulting in the end of our relationship. I too was guilty of not communicating my needs being codependant and people pleasing, those were a few of the things they listed off when making the decision to move on which was totally valid.

After that interaction I had become a little more self aware of my habits and after processing my feelings began watching a lot of someone who seemed good at the time on YouTube. Though further research on this person made me avoidant of their content it did help me find a direction. I was oversharing a lot those days trying to come to terms with what happened and seeking out support instead of keeping it all to myself like I often did.

This opened up gateways to new and stronger friendships built on a foundation of trust. I was fumbling in the beginning, it was new and I was afraid.

I started talking to my gods more and getting involved in more magic. I would walk out in the woods just to be with nature and to acknowledge all the beautiful things around me. It may seem like a cliche, however, it was truly grounding to just go out into the middle of the woods and just be. Listening to the way the wind shook the leaves in the trees, the way the swamp lands would squish beneath my feet, coming across the deer who would let me get rather close before bounding away, the smell of the dirt and the moss, the brightly colored fungi. You can call it whatever you like, conversely, there is magic here. You just have to pay attention to see it.

A photo of the 150+ year old apple tree that the founder's ancestors planted, lovingly named Grandmother Apple.